Business Letter

123 Main Street
Penticton, British Columbia,
V2A 3W1

May 25, 2011


Dear Mr. Kleats:

My name is Juan Rosario de los Santos, and I am the father of Manuel Roasrio de los Santos. My son is a member of your pee-wee soccer team, the Penticton Pounders. I applaud your willingness to spend your time coaching my son alongside the rest of the team. However, I have written to express a handful of personal concerns that have arisen throughout the course of the season. As a concerned father, I would like to work with you in fixing these minor grievances, and suggest ways in which the Pounders organization can be improved for everyone.

Throughout the last several weeks, I have noticed that your record of punctuality has been less than lustrous, in regards to your arrival to practices. I understand your busy schedule, in which you manage to juggle between your roles as father, employee and coach. However, more often than not, you arrive to practice late, forcing the kids to bide time in unproductive ways. In the instances when you show up in a timely manner, the practices have been disorganized, including little to no drills. When I have been present at practices, the only semblance of organization I witnessed was in between scrimmages, when the unhealthy snacks were being distributed. Thank you for keeping my son well-fed. Nevertheless, I would like to gently remind you that when you accepted your position as coach of the Penticton Pounders, you agreed to foster the player's skills of effort, teamwork and responsibility. If you were to show these qualities in your coaching, the children will be much more receptive to what you have to say, both in-game and out.

A few of your game-time decisions have also left me, alongside Manuel, slightly disconcerted. For example, last Saturday I watched our team's game against the Summerland Snipers. I understand the gravity of competing against our fiercest division rivals, however I was taken aback by your heated actions. Whilst gripped in a goalless draw, you mindfully ignored the team's usual substitution policy, opting instead on keeping our more gifted players playing for the majority of the game. This left Manuel off of the field for the remainder of the afternoon. Furthermore, I overheard your elevated voice at half-time, stressing above all else the importance of winning that exhibition match. I applaud your passionate coaching style, but in U-10 level soccer, the extra emphasis placed on winning can be considered crass.

After airing these grievances, I would be delighted to make suggestions for the betterment of the team as a whole. At the moment, your spotty attendance record implies that coaching the Penticton Pounders alone has become too time-consuming for your lifestyle. As a stay-at-home dad (although I prefer the term Domestic Engineer), I would be able to lend my afternoons and perhaps adopt the role as assistant coach for the Pounders. With a two coach system, your role as chief decision maker is diminished in no way. I would organize practices, run some new drills and encourage the players at half-time. With us at the helm of the Pounders organization, I foresee the remainder of the season being fun, rewarding and ultimately, a great learning experience. Thank you for taking the time to read my concerns and solutions. I look forward to a response.


Sincerely,

Juan Rosario de los Santos

Potato Sack Debasers

Rummaging through my eighteen, wisdom-soaked years of urban living, I have resigned humanity to a bedazzled truth: we are reactionary creatures. Like flesh-toned and lumpy magpies, humans are drawn to glimmering knick-knacks, and this inherentqualitity has affected the way we present ourselves. Outward appearances discern who fits in and who doesn't. This is an undeniable fact of life, so one could imagine my horror after a particular incident within the confines of my local high school.
It is another day at prim Princess Madonna Secondary, the Material School, and I am wasting away my break in the common area. Donning that Armani shirt that plays so elegantly off of my tight-legged corduroy pants, I bide time with the rest of my svelte-looking friends. Seemingly out nowhere, a classmate sits down beside me, but something isn't right. Then, I notice what's troubling the atmosphere: this girl had the temerity to show up in the common area wearing unbranded clothing. Not one article of clothing she sported was Abercrombie, Zara, or anything in between. Did she even listen to the advice of her Polly Pockets as a child? It's as if she's trying to be unique or something.
Her egregious display of non-conformity is troubling, to say the least. Ever since we were trendy little youngings, our posessions dictated our popularity within school. Tamagotchis, Pokemon cards and Beyblades were the fuels that powered the school acceptance engine, and now they have been replaced by Hollister, Nike and Coach. The very prospect of people wearing Wal-Mart, Winners or, heaven forbid, self-made clothing to school is enough to make the school common area collectively swoon. Besides, if a short-sleeved shirt isn't $70.00 retail price, is it really worth wearing?
As a stalwart defender of spiffy-looking high-schoolers, I propose a movement that will surely quash the plight of these potato sack debasers. If schools were to simply impose a daily inspection of student clothing before first block and check that their shirts, pants and shoes are of an accepted name brand, Princess Madonna would have a student body that's truly stunning. Purge the potato sacks! Sear the self-made scarves! I have a dream that we will one day live in a world where we will not be judged by the color of our skin, but by the contents of our Gucci wallets.