Potato Sack Debasers

Rummaging through my eighteen, wisdom-soaked years of urban living, I have resigned humanity to a bedazzled truth: we are reactionary creatures. Like flesh-toned and lumpy magpies, humans are drawn to glimmering knick-knacks, and this inherentqualitity has affected the way we present ourselves. Outward appearances discern who fits in and who doesn't. This is an undeniable fact of life, so one could imagine my horror after a particular incident within the confines of my local high school.
It is another day at prim Princess Madonna Secondary, the Material School, and I am wasting away my break in the common area. Donning that Armani shirt that plays so elegantly off of my tight-legged corduroy pants, I bide time with the rest of my svelte-looking friends. Seemingly out nowhere, a classmate sits down beside me, but something isn't right. Then, I notice what's troubling the atmosphere: this girl had the temerity to show up in the common area wearing unbranded clothing. Not one article of clothing she sported was Abercrombie, Zara, or anything in between. Did she even listen to the advice of her Polly Pockets as a child? It's as if she's trying to be unique or something.
Her egregious display of non-conformity is troubling, to say the least. Ever since we were trendy little youngings, our posessions dictated our popularity within school. Tamagotchis, Pokemon cards and Beyblades were the fuels that powered the school acceptance engine, and now they have been replaced by Hollister, Nike and Coach. The very prospect of people wearing Wal-Mart, Winners or, heaven forbid, self-made clothing to school is enough to make the school common area collectively swoon. Besides, if a short-sleeved shirt isn't $70.00 retail price, is it really worth wearing?
As a stalwart defender of spiffy-looking high-schoolers, I propose a movement that will surely quash the plight of these potato sack debasers. If schools were to simply impose a daily inspection of student clothing before first block and check that their shirts, pants and shoes are of an accepted name brand, Princess Madonna would have a student body that's truly stunning. Purge the potato sacks! Sear the self-made scarves! I have a dream that we will one day live in a world where we will not be judged by the color of our skin, but by the contents of our Gucci wallets.